Chewy
Just as much of an airport staple as food and duty free shops are the airport bars – one might even argue they’re as essential as security checkpoints to the flying experience because while security keeps the plane and country safe, the bar ensures you don’t freak out in the air.
I’m not a nervous flyer so I’ve never felt the need to toss back a few in order to get comfortable about boarding a plane… but I have on occasion wandered into such bars to, uh, see what all the fuss was about. What I noticed during my investigations were an assortment travelling types from a range of demographics. While they are mostly older males travelling solo, they did seem to fit into a few distinct categories much to my amusement.
Here are the four types of drunks in an airport lounge
The Brooding Businessman
This guy sits in the corner to himself, usually nursing a hard liquor like whiskey or gin on the rocks, and if there’s a window present, he’s watching the world go by. He’s a cliché, of course, but all stereotypes have to come from somewhere. His suit and briefcase give away his position in life, which is probably someone on the road a lot and likely someone who doesn’t just consume his liquor in airports. Not the most exciting on the list.
The Trying to be Your Best Friend Guy
This guy will be sitting right at the bar tossing back brews and chatting up whoever comes over – getting really chummy with the bartender too if they’re into it. He’s social because that’s what he does when he’s nervous – not liking to be alone with his thoughts to stew… but also because he’s a genuinely social guy. Have a drink with him – he might even be paying for a round or two, and be sure to do the same. Feeling anti-social? Steer clear!
The All-Inclusive Jump Starters
These people just want to have a good time, are often in couples or groups, and aren’t drinking to calm their nerves, but merely because they really can’t wait to get their vacation started. They’re probably doing shots or some type of mixed drink – wine perhaps for the ladies – anything to get them prepped for the good time ahead. Loud, laughing and even super annoying, these types will make you slightly jealous, particularly if you’re not going on vacation. Only approach them if you’re also heading to the same resort and are looking for a good time, otherwise you’re a buzz-kill.
The OMG-I-Might-Die-So-I-Better-Get-Wasted Type
While this type is usually by themselves, unlike the brooding businessman they aren’t sipping their drink quite so methodically and are only drinking it to help whatever sleeping pills they took get to work as fast as possible. Watch for them to look nervously at their watch or clock, check the gate times frequently and do anything to take their minds off the fact that they may never be on the ground again. I either find this kind super stressful or as a reminder that I at least have it better than someone!
